Carving out Time

I have been waking up early lately... really early. .. It could be 4:45am- 6:00 am. Many people, including my husband can roll over after waking up and simply sigh and go back to sleep. I however am NOT one of those people.Once my baby blues pop open, it is almost useless to continue to wrestle with the blankets. Not that I don't try and today was no exception to either of these. My eyes peered into the darkness and I could tell even before I looked at the clock it was "too early" to get up. I shuffled in the darkness to the bathroom, continued down the steps to let my dog outside for her morning duties and attempted to snuggle back into my warm comfy bed for what I hoped would be a few more hours of slumbering bliss. Not a chance. My mind begins it's own wrestling match. I worry. I think. I struggle. I am fearful of and for all of the people I love and all of the travesty I am sure is ahead for our lives.... I am not sleeping. I am not going to go back to sleep. So I do what all "real" Christians do when they are awaken "too early".... (try to) pray. I struggle with that thought too.. if God is waking me up why is he? Who should I have been praying for the last hour? What have I missed.. what awful world events in someones life could I have prevented if I had gotten it earlier.. instead of doing the proverbial sheet wrestling? I now begin the arrow prayers.. I lift up "so and so"... and this person.. and that..... and..... rats- I am not very good at this. Now I wrestle with myself- forget the sheets- now I am wrestling with who I am... and most decidedly who I am not... I begin a mental litany of my shortcomings, sins and failures. It is only 5 a.m. This day is not starting out well. As I lay there with my thoughts and fears and frustrations taunting me .. there is a whisper in the midst of the darkness..." hey daughter.... psst... its me. I am the one who has awoken you- I have been the one who has stirred you so early as of late. I love you. This is time carved out for you. go. write.pen.paper. computer. write." Wow. my focus changes- it doesn't seem like the one whispering to me is angry or upset that I have not interceded for the whole world "properly". Nor do I sense judgment because I am fearful worried and afraid for so many things. I wait. I am in the presence of unconditional love. I know it is my heavenly Father.. there is no fear.. there is no frustration. For this moment.. I feel safe and there is no worry- for myself or those I love. I don't want to move... but yet I sense I am being asked to get up (even though it still is pretty early) ... "daughter... if you commit to me all of the stuff that is within you.. I will carry it- you don't have to.. really" I know what he is asking me to do. We have this "thing" my Father and I... I write it down- he takes it. If I "keep" it in my heart.. and I don't write it down- it's a lot harder for me to give it to him. Not that it is any harder for Him to take it.... but He never takes what I haven't chosen to give. For me, words are powerful..be they spoken, written or heard- but the act of pen to paper- it is for me...a spiritual motion. I am being called to get up- and do this "thing" we have... my Father and I. But then, I hear another little whisper... but I give you five more minutes.... Seriously... I can? I snuggle in. This makes me smile- no guilt.. no condemnation... five minutes of glorious peace. I am up. I have my coffee (thanks God for creating coffee- it's definitely a personal favorite in the whole creation of the world thing! ) and my pen and paper are not far behind.